I feel like all I ever do is work, eat, sleep, and repeat.

I apparently haven't posted in two years, but feel like putting this "on paper" (so to speak), and do not feel like putting it in a google document.

I feel boring.  I feel depressed.  I feel frustrated.  I feel like all I ever do is work, eat, sleep, and repeat.

I need something to do with my time outside of work that I can think about and get excited about and be energized by.

Here are the things I think want to do.

1. Fix up my road bike/ buy a new road bike and begin riding to work at least 3 days a week
I did this quite a bit last year until I fucked up my shoulder.  I was riding my mountain bike, which is very difficult.  I want the road bike because want to glide.  Mountain bike is difficult to pedal ALWAYS. I want to enjoy the natural therapy the exercise and cold morning hours provide.  Riding back home is stressful and hot, but there's no way around not also riding home.  This allows me to have a good excuse to get exercise, leave work on time, and just be by myself.

2. Doodle Therapy?
This is an idea I've been tossing around for a while.  I enjoy the twitch streaming but am becoming less and less interested in wasting my time playing video game after video game.  I enjoy doodling with the fancy liquid gel pens I bought at Sams Club.  Why not turn this into a thing where I doodle for a few hours, listen to music, and hang out with chat (if anyone joins me).

3. Make the house somewhere I want to be
I hate owning a house.  I hate the house we bought.  I feel trapped by it.  I feel suffocated by the stuff we own.  I (apparently) need to take ownership of the house and make it somewhere we want to be.  I don't think Moose cares that much, at least not enough to take action.  Do things like:  making the outside gardens look nice.  Repainting rooms (walls are so scuffed and dirty now).  Replacing the trim/ugly ass 70s woodwork, carpeting, etc in the dining room.  Cleaning.  Decorating.  Decluttering.  Sperging over curtains and couches and pictures to hang on the walls.  Things Moose and I never ever do because we don't really care.  Maybe this would make the house feel like somewhere we want to be...

4. Make music again
This one is daunting.  I can't go here lightly.  I have to go all in and not get discouraged.  Ten years ago, I was a musician.  I could sing, I could play the violin, I had working knowledge of the guitar,  I knew how to read music and knew a lot of music composition and theory...  Now I'm just a boring 30 year old that claims I used to know these things.  I have entirely given up on a huge part of what was my life.  I need to force myself to at least play violin again.  Ideally, actually learn a software program and record/create music.  (I'll need a new midi keyboard as mine doesn't work anymore)  It is something to do on the computer, anyway...

5. Stop spending money on stupid shit
We buy stuff.... and it never even leaves the package.  Stop buying things, you stupid fools!  This just clutters the house and we never even use the stuff.  Don't be afraid to throw things away.

6. Stop thinking about it (the future)
This may sound off.  Stop thinking about the future?  I am 30 years old and I am hitting the panic stage.  I've had my job for 6 years.  I've been married for 2 years.  We've "owned' our house for 3 years.  Nothing interesting has happened/ nothing has changed for a while.  Now what?  Is it time to just keep on keeping on until there is no more keeping on?  What's next?  What do I do now?  When are we going to be comfortable?  Are we going to have children?  How the heck would that even work?  Why do I care so much?  Why can't I just focus on now?

*sigh*