I feel like all I ever do is work, eat, sleep, and repeat.

I apparently haven't posted in two years, but feel like putting this "on paper" (so to speak), and do not feel like putting it in a google document.

I feel boring.  I feel depressed.  I feel frustrated.  I feel like all I ever do is work, eat, sleep, and repeat.

I need something to do with my time outside of work that I can think about and get excited about and be energized by.

Here are the things I think want to do.

1. Fix up my road bike/ buy a new road bike and begin riding to work at least 3 days a week
I did this quite a bit last year until I fucked up my shoulder.  I was riding my mountain bike, which is very difficult.  I want the road bike because want to glide.  Mountain bike is difficult to pedal ALWAYS. I want to enjoy the natural therapy the exercise and cold morning hours provide.  Riding back home is stressful and hot, but there's no way around not also riding home.  This allows me to have a good excuse to get exercise, leave work on time, and just be by myself.

2. Doodle Therapy?
This is an idea I've been tossing around for a while.  I enjoy the twitch streaming but am becoming less and less interested in wasting my time playing video game after video game.  I enjoy doodling with the fancy liquid gel pens I bought at Sams Club.  Why not turn this into a thing where I doodle for a few hours, listen to music, and hang out with chat (if anyone joins me).

3. Make the house somewhere I want to be
I hate owning a house.  I hate the house we bought.  I feel trapped by it.  I feel suffocated by the stuff we own.  I (apparently) need to take ownership of the house and make it somewhere we want to be.  I don't think Moose cares that much, at least not enough to take action.  Do things like:  making the outside gardens look nice.  Repainting rooms (walls are so scuffed and dirty now).  Replacing the trim/ugly ass 70s woodwork, carpeting, etc in the dining room.  Cleaning.  Decorating.  Decluttering.  Sperging over curtains and couches and pictures to hang on the walls.  Things Moose and I never ever do because we don't really care.  Maybe this would make the house feel like somewhere we want to be...

4. Make music again
This one is daunting.  I can't go here lightly.  I have to go all in and not get discouraged.  Ten years ago, I was a musician.  I could sing, I could play the violin, I had working knowledge of the guitar,  I knew how to read music and knew a lot of music composition and theory...  Now I'm just a boring 30 year old that claims I used to know these things.  I have entirely given up on a huge part of what was my life.  I need to force myself to at least play violin again.  Ideally, actually learn a software program and record/create music.  (I'll need a new midi keyboard as mine doesn't work anymore)  It is something to do on the computer, anyway...

5. Stop spending money on stupid shit
We buy stuff.... and it never even leaves the package.  Stop buying things, you stupid fools!  This just clutters the house and we never even use the stuff.  Don't be afraid to throw things away.

6. Stop thinking about it (the future)
This may sound off.  Stop thinking about the future?  I am 30 years old and I am hitting the panic stage.  I've had my job for 6 years.  I've been married for 2 years.  We've "owned' our house for 3 years.  Nothing interesting has happened/ nothing has changed for a while.  Now what?  Is it time to just keep on keeping on until there is no more keeping on?  What's next?  What do I do now?  When are we going to be comfortable?  Are we going to have children?  How the heck would that even work?  Why do I care so much?  Why can't I just focus on now?

*sigh*

Well... September is Over

Well... September is over. That means there are 3 months left of the year of 2011. I can't believe it has gone by so quickly. I don't think I've gotten anything concrete accomplished this month. Heck, I haven't even fully unpacked from moving a month and a half ago.

I need a project. I need something to occupy my time at home other than cooking, cleaning, and video games. I know I have posted about setting up a music room in my basement, but I have serious doubts that that will ever happen. Especially considering that all of my weekends for October are already spoken for. How does this happen? Is this normal? Is this how lives are lived? I feel like I'm in a constant state of disarray. The only real downtime I get is sleep time. I certainly did not feel this way in college, even with the never-ending stream of homework hanging over my head.

Maybe it's time to just set aside time every night for myself. I don't know. I need to learn how to run on less sleep. I wake up at 6, 6:30am. Depending on when I actually get up and out of bed, I'm usually at work by 7:30 or so. I stay at work til 5:30pm. I'm usually home by 6 at the latest. Moose and I have been pretty good about cooking dinner at home since we moved, so by the time dinner is done, it's usually about 6:30 or 7pm. Then, in order to get up by 6, I try to be in bed by 10:30 or 11pm. What can I do with those 4 hours? Why can't I live on 4-5 hours of sleep like everyone else?!

Oh well. I need to do something. Otherwise, Moose is going to get tired of my pestering. I should at least set up my instruments in the basement. It might be fun to just sit down there and goof around.

Maybe I'll get it done in October...

Blog FAIL

I've been failing at updating my blog lately. I can't think of much to write, so here's a picture of a moth on my mother's screen door.

No more ordering things online

In all my years of ordering things on the internet, I've never had an issue with packages not being delivered or being stolen. Yesterday, I did not receive a package that stated it was delivered. I'm not sure if this is a fluke or if it was stolen... but it's time to stop getting packages every week. My bank account will thank me anyway. And, perhaps my closets will too.

Merry Christmas

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/collections/special/columns/music_blog/archive/2010/12/peace_on_earthl.shtml

Prelim Exam Results

Adriana,

You failed all 3 subjects. I am sorry that you did not pass the WPE.

The faculty have allowed you a 3rd try in Nov.

My best wishes.
KP

---

Hmm, maybe I shouldn't try again. I suppose I can't possibly do any worse than this. At least last time I got two questions right. *sigh*

The feeling is mutual, but it still hurts.

I regret to say that I'm not willing to supervise you any more on
research projects.

Summer

Yesterday was the first day of summer.

Right now in Minneapolis, it is 91 degrees fahrenheit with a 10mph wind and a humidity of 54%. "Feels like 96 degrees fahrenheit."

Right now in Duluth, it is 61 degrees fahrenheit with a 6mph wind and a humidity of 94%. "Feels like 61 degrees fahrenheit."

Oh Duluth, I adore thee.

Weekend Bluez

I had another amazingly busy weekend. After a wonderful late night on Thursday (complete with Star Wars role play, X-Men Origins: Wolverine showing, and White Castle) I got up early to work on a project on Friday. After my meeting, Moose and I decided to go adventuring. He needed a shelf for his (not) broken projector and a cable for his xbox. I needed an excuse to avoid my homework. We decided to also try dinner at a place where you eat with your hands!! We ended up going to radio shack, the fabric store, axman, goodwill, menards, and pizza luce (not the original intended place of eating). We purchased: candy, airsoft guns, amazing posters, fabric for curtains, a couch, a coffee table, a shelf, a fan, a level, pizza, salad, and a brownie sundae. So... I now have an airsoft gun, a couch and a coffee table in my room. Also, I have an awesome poster of a man singing or yelling or something in my dining room. Perhaps I'll post pictures later.

After late night movies, I headed home at about 4am. I found that Mat and Tara were still up and wanted to go to Al's Breakfast. 6am corned beef hash. 7am bed. Ouch.

Saturday turned out to be equally enjoyable. During the day, Tara painted me up like a whore. That night, we had some chill blacklight fun in the basement and watched Howl's Moving Castle. Oh yeah, and I shot Tara in the neck with the airsoft gun and had to buy pizza pizza....

Sunday was Flight of the Conchords. In their amazingly short concert, they managed to make the obnoxious girl behind me laugh like a hyena. Overall: Amazing.

Upon coming home from FOTC, I realized I had again squandered my entire weekend. Lack of sleep and lack of productivity threw me into a funk. One more week of classes... One week of finals.... Everything due and done the 14th and 15th.

If I'm lucky, I'll be able to get my stuff done in the next 10 days. Don't look for me online or in video games. Hopefully I also won't go out and buy couches and airsoft guns. Glad I got that out of my system.... I'd so go do it again.

Nope.

You've been on a full RA; this means that you've been putting in 20 hours a week of research since September (so hundreds of hours of research). What have you done since mid-December? As far as I can tell, last week you wrote one generic paragraph (that I can't really decipher). Anything else? Have you assembled unimolecular/bimolecular versions of Brian's modules? Run simulations on any of our modules? Produced new filter designs (say an IIR with programmable coefficients)? Assembled filters with full module locking?

Nope.

(I think it's safe to say I won't be getting an RA position this summer.)

Grad School Thoughts (Part 5 of many)

It's been a while since I thoroughly complained about my situation. The beautiful Minnesota spring is doing little to alleviate the recent blow to my psyche. I failed take-home math exam I spent nearly 100 hours on. I mean F-A-I-L-E-D. Apparently there were several people in the class that achieved grades of 90s and 80s. I think there are about 10 people in the class.

I GOT A 58. Wooo!! I'm pretty sure that's the low score.

The prof went over it like this:
Class Participation: 10%
Homework: 30%
Midterm: 30%
Final: 30%
EXTRA CREDIT (which you will really have to work for): 10%

Of course, I've calculated it all out. Assuming I get A's in my other two graded classes this semester (I'm pretty sure I will), I need at least a B- in my math class in order to stay above the required 3.3GPA for the Ph.D. program here at the University of Minnesota. If I somehow went through all the paperwork to transfer into the masters program, I could scrape by with a C.

That's looking like my only option right now. As it is, grad school is just killing me. My sister tried to be nice to me today by telling me I'm just not used to the workload yet. That's bullshit. Undergrad classes have a great deal more workload than graduate classes, and I'm only taking 2 "real" classes. I think the material and the speed are just way above my head.

You know what I wish I was doing right now? Designing circuit boards. Writing microcontroller code.... writing reports on what components were chosen and how much the cost is going to be for 10,000 units. MY OLD JOB.

*sigh* I miss being an electrical engineer.

Mom's Visit

My mom came to visit me this morning. After being delayed due to snow, she pulled into my drive way and called. After giving her the grand tour, I showed her my room. I commented on how one of my light bulbs had burnt out but that I wasn't able to figure out how to get the fixture apart. She of course found a stool and got it down. I ran and got some light bulbs and handed them to her. While taking out the burnt-out bulb, she dropped it. It hit her head and shattered all over the ground. I got the vacuum cleaner and started picking up the large pieces.

"Only here half an hour and I'm already vacuuming" she commented.

Next, we decided to go rug shopping, a hobby of hers. My dad always says that if she could, she would buy a new rug every day. We ventured to the Rosedale mall. After scoping out Kohls and JCPenneys, we decided to go to Herbergers. Mom decided that I needed a new bed spread, and then we could more easily match the rug to the rest of the room. When we finally found one I deemed "not too feminine" and of the colors of my choosing, my mother rushed to purchase it. We then went back to JCPenneys and found the PERFECT match in a rug. All told, I think she spent almost $400. "I'm not buying anything else for your new apartment" she said.



We came back home and set up my room. Looks great, dontcha think? Tara got back from her convention and we decided to go to dinner. Turned out that somebody from the neighboring house, with which we share a driveway, had parked in the end of the driveway, blocking my mother's car in. She cursed and said "They have a lot of balls to do that." Upon getting into the car she kept repeating "I wish I had my jacket." I finally told her I had one she could use in the trunk.

We decided to go to Kafe 421... quite possibly the best restaurant in Dinkytown. We stuffed ourselves. Salad, grilled bread, pasta... even a brownie and Greek coffee for dessert. Walking back to the car, my mom was glad she had my coat. It was windy, and the 3 block walk to the car seemed long. We got in the car and I handed her my leftovers while I started up and began driving. "OH MY GOD MY SHOE!!" she yelled. "What?" Tara and I both asked, giggling. "MY SHOE! MY SHOE IS BROKEN! MY FOOT HAS BEEN HURTING! THE STITCHING IS ALL GONE ON ONE SIDE!" She struggled to pick her foot up and look at her shoe. We just laughed and continued to drive home. "IT'S NOT FUNNY! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT SHOES?"

We got home, noticing the neighbor still had the driveway blocked. I walked to the other side of the car and opened the door for my mom (due to the broken locking mechanism). She sat there, looking at her crotch. "What? What is all over my pants?!" I looked at her and noticed her pristine black jeans were covered in some sort of brown liquid. "Adriana! Your food was leaking all over my pants! THAT'S THE LAST TIME I HOLD YOUR FOOD FOR YOU. Boy, am I glad I brought an extra pair." She finally got out of the car and I noticed there was balsamic sauce all over my leather seat as well. Laughing, I said "Mom, you were paying too much attention to your broken shoes. You probably were holding the food so that it could leak all over you." She angrily went inside.

Upon changing her pants, she said "My shoe fell apart, my pants got soiled? What next?"

We'll see. She's going to be here at least until tomorrow evening. I'll keep you posted.

Paper woes

Turns out neither of my papers from last semester were accepted.

If you are interested in reading the latest one, you can find it here.

Burning Anguish

I have a confession to make: I've never burned a DVD. That's right. I spend the majority of my waking hours in front of a computer, and I've never burned a DVD. This weekend, I made the resolve to learn how and burn something to try on the DVD player in the living room.

I recently got a new computer, at least, almost all of the parts are new. I had to switch from my normal IDE drive to a new SATA drive. I found a Nero disk in my box-o-computer stuff and installed it. For some reason, there were no DVD options. I chalked this up to the fact that it was a watered down version they send out with new drives. I grumbled and struggled further with the program.

I finally found a really great program called DVDFlick that is amazingly easy to use. I put together the necessary files and embarked on the long process for properly encoding it to be played in a DVD player. For a half hour, I sat and scratched my head about why it wasn't giving me the option to choose a DVD drive, why my drive wasn't working... basically what was going on in general.

I bend down and look at my drive. DVDROM. MY DRIVE... IS NOT A BURNER.

I feel like a moron. I'm going to have to install my IDE expansion card and install the other drive, or maybe just order a new SATA burner. It's not like they're expensive. I wasted a lot of time for nothing. Well, what's new?

And that is my story of Burning Anguish.

This campus is just too big for the both of us.

Given an opportunity, I call or text my sister and ask her if she'd like to get food with me. Today, I had an opportunity, and plans were made. She had 30 minutes between classes, and I suggested that I buy some pita chips and hummus and we eat them together by her classroom. This sounded like a fantastic idea. I purchased some of the aforementioned ingestables from the sandwich-cart/thing at the electrical engineering building and also bought a bottle of Pibb Xtra. Little did I know that the next 20 minutes would be filled with absolute confusion and mayhem.

"Yeah, my class is in third floor ...aaake"
"Where? Tate?"
"Yeah."
I shrugged, thinking That's not very far from here... but continued over to Tate, the physics building. I didn't see her, so I called and asked which side she was on.
"Oh, I'm over by the ...in..amn..."
"You're by the Tin Man? Well, come over here, I'll stay where I am by the bike rack."
"Ok"
I stepped outside the physics building. I could practically see the tin man from where I was standing, how could I have missed her? I called her back.
"Where the heck are you, I haven't seen you walk by"
"I'm up on the third floor."
"Of Tate?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I'll head over there... but I'm staying on the phone with you"
"Kay."
I walked back to the physics building, mumbling to Tara about how I didn't see her. I walked through the WHOLE third floor of the physics building.
"You have a class up here?"
"Yeah in the computer lab."
"Uhh..."
I paused. There is nothing but OFFICES on the third floor of Tate.
"Tara, are you sure your class is in the physics building?"
"Physics building? No, my class is in ... aake"
"Tate?"
"No, PEIK."
"Gaaaah. I thought you said Tate. You're all the way across campus"
"Well, I've got 10 minutes, head over here."
"Nooo we wouldn't get the chance to eat anything, it takes almost that long to walk over there."
"Okaaay. When are you going to be home?"
"NEVER."

This campus is too big, with too many buildings with similar sounding names. Especially when using a big smart phone with poor reception.

At least these pita chips are tasty.